Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?

Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?

Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

—

All good things come to those who wait…

BUT

Time and tide wait for no man!

—

The pen is mightier than the sword…

BUT

Actions speak louder than words!

—

Wise men think alike…

BUT

Fools seldom differ!

—

The best things in life are free…

BUT

There’s no such thing as a free lunch!

—

Slow and steady wins the race…

BUT

Time waits for no man!

—

Look before you leap…

BUT

Strike while the iron is hot!

—

Do it well, or not at all…

BUT

Half a loaf is better than none!

—

Birds of a feather flock together…

BUT

Opposites attract!

—

Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them…

BUT

Forewarned is forearmed!

—

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom…

BUT

Faith will move mountains!

—

Great starts make great finishes…

BUT

It ain’t over ’till it’s over!

—

Silence is golden…

BUT

The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

—

You’re never too old to learn…

BUT

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

—

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander…

BUT

One man’s meat is another man’s poison!

—

Absence makes the heart grow fonder…

BUT

Out of sight, out of mind!

—

Too many cooks spoil the broth…

BUT

Many hands make light work!

—

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors…

BUT

Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them!

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